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Hope Ray's avatar

Amen. Giving the victim boundary work is hardly a solution.

I’m glad you highlighted the narcissist/empath dynamic a lot of pop psychology defaults to…. It hardly covers the issues of coercive control.

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Andrea Aleksandrova's avatar

Thanks for connecting. I am so happy to see people in the betrayal trauma field engaging on the topic of coercive control!

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Hope Ray's avatar

Andrea,

I would like to connect with you. If you’re open to connecting, please consider reaching out to the email I used to subscribe to your substack. It would be great to continue our conversation and share resources. I’d like to send you a copy of the magazine, I recently published.

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Kalpana Sharma's avatar

Oh, Andrea, this is such a good explanation. Years back I could not explain it this well but this is how I felt. I am so glad you are expressing and challenging the community of people helpers who often do not fathom the dynamics. Many sincere people accuse victims without recognizing their strength and strategies that they use to survive. First, I felt this was kind of "new study" then I realized no, this is what many victim/survivors experienced but could not explain it as good as you do now. It is good that writings and studies continue to evolve so we get a better understanding as more people share real-life experiences and what worked for them. Thank you for recognizing the in depth understanding of this challenging dynamic. Your work is needed and appreciated. It empowered me to be confident in my own journey and undo the voices that said otherwise. Keep up the good work.

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Andrea Aleksandrova's avatar

Thank you so much! I have personally found it so much more healing to focus on all the intentional, strategic ways I've tried to keep myself safe over the years rather than focusing on "I should have done this" or "I should have done that." I think we miss all the things we DID do because no one is looking for them or drawing our attention to them. I started seeing these things when someone educated me on victim resistance, and it's been a treasure trove of healing for me ever since.

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Kalpana Sharma's avatar

Andrea, this is explained so well. Thank you.

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Barbara Roberts's avatar

Bravo Andrea! This article is superb. I will be recommending it to my followers on A Cry For Justice. (cryingoutforjustice.blog)

I am so glad you are writing long-form articles. Your work on Facebook is very good, but the Facebook platform has many downsides for advocates. Your Substack articles are a terrific addition to your advocacy work.

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Andrea Aleksandrova's avatar

Thanks so much, Barb!

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